Heartbrake at Home

Why is it that people say stupid things when they are upset? I wish I knew the answer. I said something really stupid and now I am paying for it. I love Jason with all of my heart but I still can't believe I could say something so hurtful to him. Our fight was stupid really, nothing out of the ordinary for us. But then things just got out of hand. We were yelling so loudly sometimes I cant even remember the things that were said. But I remember what I said. 

We were fighting about money and I said something stupid about selling my engagement ring. Then it got worse. I made a crack about how it wasn't worth enough and we wouldn't get enough money for it. Then I went on to say that it wasn't a symbol of our love because he didn't pay for it. That was a big mistake. Now I am no longer engaged. He said he isn't gonna marry me until he can afford to buy a ring himself. Why was I so stupid. I had just messed up the greatest thing to ever happen to me in a long time because of some dumb fight. I went from getting married in less than a year to not getting married at all. 

I feel like my whole life is spinning around and around down the toilet and it is all because of me. I may have ruined this relationship and there is nothing I can do to take back what I said. What I never should have said. I love my ring and I always have. I don't even know why I said such hurtful things. My heart is breaking and it is all my fault. There is no one else to blame. I have done this to myself and to my relationship and I cant take it back. I love Jason and I want to marry him and I know that he wants to marry me but who knows if that will ever happen now. 

I am hoping that this can be resolved and we can still get married in October. I am going to do everything I can to show him that I do love him and want to be with him and that what I said was a mistake and I hope that he forgives me. I know that this is gonna take time and I am willing to give as much time as it needs. I just want my relationship back.

This is what I am going to be focusing on. I need to show Jason that I still love him and that I am sorry for everything that I have done. Jason, if you are reading this know that I still love you and that what I said was wrong. I want to be with you and I want to marry you. Please forgive me!